To disguise the fact that Discover Adventure weren’t supplying finishing T-shirts, we pulled together some awards to make the medals a bit more meaningful, and to help people forget about the aforementioned T-shirts.

The lads:

Terry- my trekking twin, we have put up with our mutual snoring in both Costa Rica and the Sahara. Terry turns up with no walking poles, no sunglasses and a hat like he’s off for a day at the beach, the keyword is casual.

Terry wins “Least Kit-like Kit.”

Andy- if he could’ve drank some red wine with breakfast, he would have. How that chap never had a hangover in the desert I’ll never know. The initial panic of having bought 23 bottles of red wine was soon dissipated.

Andy wins “Best Wine Walla”.

Paul was a great help when I was blind, cutting my food up and hopefully not mooning at my face. He was always up at the front, like a Nordic walker, although in the evenings his posture failed, and his skirt fell open.

Paul wins a joint award for “Best Walking Posture” and “Most Disturbing Use of a Shamla”.

Nick- this boy blossomed as the week went on, and peaked when his trunks fell off in the pool, twice. Sometimes in his own little world, the award is for something we think was to drown out his audible farts.

Nick wins “Loudest Headphone Music”.

Michael (Scots), M1 was a young slip of a lad. Just 16, and out in the wilds, strolling along with his backpack dishevelled like he was wandering home late from school. Although the heat got hold of him one day.

Michael (Scots) wins “Most Dramatic Collapse”.

Darren was our tour leader, who was in constant silent competition with fellow tour guide, Chris (in my head). What he didn’t have a story on wasn’t worth knowing about.

Darren wins “Most Unexpected Punchline” (which sometimes didn’t even come).

Then, me, the only obvious award is: “Most Prolific Urinator”.


The ladies:

Kristina was from “the office”, so in essence was probably sent on the trip as a spy. She was calm, and wore courgette-coloured trousers, but had an entertaining body. Oo-er!

Kristina wins “Noisiest Back/Most Active Toes”.

Fiona was the mother of Michael (Scots), sister of Heather (Scots), and probably had a distant link to all the other Scots on the trip (there were more than 50%!)

Fiona wins “Most Likely to bring her whole family on a trek”.

Shannon had the most gorgeous blue eyes, and made the best transformation from trekking tank girl to flowing-skirted beauty on the last evening, but her award is linked to the daytime games..

Shannon wins “Strictest Gamesmaster”.

Heather (from the UK) had the most London accent, which was almost a drug to me. It seems the admiration was mutual though..

Heather wins “Most Likely to laugh at my jokes”.

Tracey, Dick was my 11-12noon slot each day, as we discussed pool cars, but never politics. She gave me a northern accent within days.

Tracey wins “Second Most Likely to laugh at my jokes and Most Useful person in a Laugh Off”.

Becky/Doc dossed around on days 1 and 2, but soon had her work cut out as we all developed blisters and lost our eyesight. Her obsession with Dustin the turkey was disturbing.

Becky wins “Worst Music Taste/Most Apologetic Person”.

Audrey was, in porn star terms, also known as Max Wood. Often with a doctor attached to her foot, her award is obvious..

Audrey wins “Most Impressive Blister”.

Louise had such a relaxing, slow Scots accent, I was itching for her to talk quickly. I imagine she would only do this as she punched me.

Louise wins “Most Puzzling Rash/Hungriest”.

Heather (Scots) had the deepest accent, but it took me a few days to feel cheeky enough to take the P out of it..

Heather wins “Most Likely to Murder someone with a Macaroon.”

Tracey Island seemed to have turned up to the wrong trip, she was so immaculately turned out on the first few days, but could she sustain this? The answer was yes!

Tracey wins “Most Glamorous Trekking Kit”.


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