Guest blogger: My friend Sal on what it’s like to go on holiday with me!

Blogging? My only insight up to today into this strange type of writing has been giving “Showbiz” (Michael) some one-liners to add into his very own blog. That’s the only reason why I then read the blogs, to see if he’s actually included what I’ve given him. To date, I’m pleased to say my quotes have all made it into the Michael-John Perry world of blogging.

You will all, well all two of you, have read Showbiz’s ongoing, and hopefully entertaining blog, on our current trip to the Cape Verdian island of Boa Vista. I can all hear you say “Showbiz”, why Showbiz? If you don’t know the answer, then you need to be spending a bit more time with him. Anyway, going back to the reason why you have me, Sal, Salad, Salsa, Salamander, or whatever name people want to call me, writing in Showbiz’s blog. Well, once he had completed yesterday’s entry, he jokingly said “why don’t you guest blog for me?” I took the invitation seriously, so I’ve spent the past 12 hours thinking what I should write. If I had known I’d be doing this now, I would have noted down all the crazy things he says and does.

We’ve ended up in this compound not out of choice, but the failure of our original tour operator to get enough people to join us in a once in a life time trekking trip to Madagascar. The call came as we travelled back from our trip to Croatia in July, warning us that if they didn’t get any more takers by August, then the trip would be cancelled. The call arrived in August that Madagascar was off. Showbiz then set me the task of finding a new destination to visit. The criteria was for one week, warm, all-inclusive, not too far away, but not Europe.

I’ve already got Showbiz shouting in my ear saying I’m taking too long writing my guest blog. I haven’t even arrived in Boa Vista yet! Fast forward then to today, so I get him off my back.

I must say, even though we missed out on Madagascar, it has been a fun week. Madagascar was going to be me and Showbiz. Once Boa Vista was being planned, we roped in Karl too. As always, he’s added the random entertainment. Being a scouser he’s an expert at that. I’ve had 10 years of this randomness! This morning’s best line so far came from Karl as I’m writing this. Karl…… “Showbiz? Oh, the irony”. Showbiz….. “f**k off!!”

It has been the best entertainment, listening to these two talk about so much rubbish. They are currently going on about how biscuits, seeds and honey can be so good for you. I do seem to have been the servant for the two of them this week. Not that I’m complaining. I’ve been up at 0730 every morning to save our places by the pool. I’ve tidied the room for them. I’ve approved evening wear, and suggested suitable alternatives. I’ve been official photographer. I also got them roped into water aerobics daily. I’ve got them their coffees, G&T’s and bottles of water. “Karl, drink more water!”.

All this has proved how much a creature of habit I am, and that my life is such a routine, and I can’t deviate from it. Once Showbiz and I found our place by the pool on the first day, I had to get the same spot every day. Luckily I’ve managed it. I don’t know how I would have reacted if someone had taken our spot. The funny thing is the same people have sat around us all week too. See, it’s not only me. We are all creatures of habit! It’s like having neighbours. You either get on with them, or you don’t. The ones to our left were simply the perfect family. Husband, wife, 7 and 3 year old girls, grandma, grandma’s brother and his wife. They’ve filled the gap that I’ve had being away from Dan and Abs, our neighbours. The 3 year was such a sweetie. She felt so grown up being allowed to go and get a drink from the bar on her own. The couple to our right have been equally nice, but happy to just sunbathe throughout the day with not much engagement. Well, until Karl asked him this morning what he did for a living. Where did that come from? See, randomness! Well the answer came in the form of ” I’m a prison officer in a high security prison.” Can you guess what Showbiz asked next? Wait for it…….”Oh, do you look after anyone famous?” It’s a prison you fool, not bloody QVC!!

Where did I get these two from? Well that’s a whole different story!

Today it is only the prison officer couple and grandma’s brother and wife left. Gradually, everyone is heading home. We’ve got the final aqua aerobics session to attend. Although I am quite sad as I’ve just been told Emerson, who has coached me through this pain all week, is off today. I hope to see him tomorrow. We’ve also done Gymstick (www.gymstick.com) and Step action (www.stepclass.com), I’m good at this PR stuff…..next stop Hello magazine!

I’ve got the ladies from the spa heading towards me. What are they going to want me to do today? I had the chocolate wrap the other day. It was like being dropped into a chocolate fountain. I think it was the left over chocolate from lunch. There is no waste in this place! Everything has a use. On Sunday evening we had dinner in one of the three bookable restaurants. Everything, and I mean everything, we had was then for dinner at the main buffet restaurant on Monday night. I felt cheated! I had to get up at 0700 to book that restaurant, only to be told once I got to reception, that they don’t take bookings until 0800. Like a fool I sat and waited, only to then realise at 0730 that other fools had actually started forming a queue!

Sunday evening was the night I got up on stage to do a bit of karaoke. I was cheered on by the crowd to my version of “Don’t Stop me Now”. I think they wanted me to sing “Stop me now!” The home crowd, namely Karl, Showbiz, Roland and Afternoon (the Dutch boys), Terry and Christine (grandma’s brother and wife) were genuinely cheering me on. Thanks guys! Christine then got on stage to sing to Kings of Leon “Sex on Fire”. For the record it’s the only sex I’ve had all week.

Showbiz has just give me the news that my routine is being ruined today as he’s just booked himself a massage for 1830. What? That’s the time we have our post sunbathing drinks in the bar, where I have my latte, and Karl looks out for the guy he’s been stalking all week. He doesn’t think about these things, and seldom wears sunglasses to do it.

Tonight, being the final night, we’ve hopefully left the best bookable restaurant until last. It’s the Asian restaurant. The only problem now is we’ve got it booked for 2100 and the evenings entertainment starts at 2115. Tonight it’s Grease! It has been a varied mix of shows throughout the week. Things that I wish I could get up and have a good dance to, but everyone just stays seated, other than Christine that is!

Tonight we’ll have a chance to say goodbye to Roland and Afternoon. Although I found out last night that isn’t their real names! Oh well, I’ll just stick to what I’m used to. Not that I’ve had the need to use their names. I have added one of them to Facebook though. His name is Arvo, and not Afternoon. I think Showbiz has been watching too much Neighbours and Home and Away! As for Roland, I’m still not quite sure what his name is.

Well I think my time is up as a guest blogger. I’m not sure if I will be invited to guest blog again. Let’s hope so. Showbiz and I are off to Milan on the 28th November, so only a few weeks before I hope I’m back. See ya xx

I’ve since been told, post proof-reading by Showbiz, that I still got Afternoon’s name wrong. It’s not even Arvo, it’s Arni! It’s actually Arne, Sal.

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