- It’s impossible to order food in a restaurant after 8.30pm in the provinces and, if you order dishes out of sequence, the waitress will implode.
- You can wear a tutu in the street in the city and nobody looks twice, in the provinces you’ll be heckled until you put joggers on instead.
- In the provinces, you can never be sure that the new person you meet isn’t already someone’s aunt, uncle, ex or milkman.
- Drivers in the city understand the meaning of being beeped at with a horn, in the provinces they’ll cry for hours in a lay-by.
- Much more tea is drunk in the provinces, and coffee machines are looked at with only looks of confusion.
- Some of the best hand-made sushi can be found in the city; in the provinces you can only order a fancy prawn cocktail, at a push.
- In the city, JLo could be on the tube next to you and you wouldn’t blink. In the provinces, you would take a selfie with her, twice.
- People in the provinces would seldom go to something new on their own, and must arrive in a posse.
- In the city, tapas is tapas. In the provinces, it means 3 plates of sausage rolls and some cheese and pineapple on sticks.
- In the provinces, households have Jack Russells as pets. In the city, they have Portugeuse Water Dogs, looked after by the Nanny.
- In the city, people sup exotic botanical cocktails. In the provinces, people walk up the bar and say ‘usual’.
- Cyclists abound in the city and it’s a daily commuting choice. In the provinces, this only happens on warm, sunny days.
- There are many charity shops in the provinces, have you ever seen one in the city? Same applies to Gregg’s.
- Carrots, potatoes and cabbage are popular in the provinces; they’ve never heard of okra, fennel and choi sum.
- In the provinces, you might say hello to a stranger. In the city, you will simply grip your purse tighter.
Have you got some more examples?
16. If you come unstuck in the provinces then everyone and anyone will help you out to get you back up and running, regardless of whether or not they know you, while in the city people will step over your cold corpse.
17. In the provinces the smell of manure is not a novelty, and is seldom all that much of a problem.
18. If you see a cow in the road in the provinces then you stop in at a farm and let them know. A cow on Oxford Street would garner international publicity for three days.
19. In the city you rush around to the theatre, restaurants, street markets, cinemas and concerts, experiencing as much as possible. In the provinces we live a much quieter and less frantic lives, and yet somehow get to enjoy life just as much. 🙂
The thought of you in a tutu conjures an image I’d really rather not have, Michael 🙂
20. If going to the cinema in the city, there’s 10 cinemas within a two miles. In the provinces, your lucky to have one in 10 mile radius, if you do it adds money to your house price.
21. Police in the provinces actually drive police tractors, in the city they would only be used in a museum