1. If you think you’re in a ‘queue’ and there’s nobody touching you, then you’re probably not in a ‘queue’.
  2. One must always be confident about crossing the road.
  3. Historic sites are often cleverly sited near to a Starbucks.
  4. When in shops, you will be assigned your own personal shopping assistant as soon as you enter.
  5. Apparently, umbrellas pose a security risk on flights.
  6. Loud arguments on flights are de rigeur.
  7. When buying underwear, don’t be surprised if you need XXXL.
  8. The Chinese love lights, each individual building has enough of them to light up Manchester.
  9. You must get used to having constantly stained clothes, especially given your European lack of chopstick skills.
  10. When seeing another Westerner, it is customary to give them a knowing nod, as if you recognise them from your home town.
  11. Touching your smart phone during a flight will panic the flight attendants hugely.
  12. You often get to go ‘behind the scenes’ in places, usually because the language barrier means nobody can’t tell you not to be there, and you probably ended up there lost anyway.
  13. Even incredibly intelligent people can get lost.
  14. A ‘business centre’ is a small room, akin to a broom cupboard, with at least 3 desktop PC’s and a fan.
  15. Even eating a sandwich can spill onto your beard.
  16. Chinese kids in Halloween costumes are cutest out of any nation. Period.
  17. Occasionally, the Chinese language sounds like Spanish.
  18. Hot soy milk is the nuts.

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